I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
