like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You are a genius and a whore.
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