we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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