we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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