I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
