Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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