I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize