capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
