she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize