Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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