Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
