Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
