Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
