Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
