So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
