I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
