The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize