Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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