Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
