So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
