Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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