Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
