Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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