Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cannot find my penis.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
