Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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