I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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