Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
