I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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