4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
