don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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