we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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