It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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