when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
