So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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