He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
