All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize