Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
