The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
