i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Enjoy the penises
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
