I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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