Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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