Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
