You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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