If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
