420 ftw
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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