i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
