Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
