Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
