Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
