I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
