Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
