Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
