I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
