sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
