I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
