my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
