She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
