I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize