remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
