Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
