when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
