She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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