You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
