I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
